The Brené Brown Phase
Here it is. This domain that I’ve owned for far too long has now become a little tiny 9 lb 1 oz baby website. I figured that if I didn’t pull the trigger, then I’d just let this thing go by as I have for years.
Inevitably, when you’ve lived your life for other people, you hit people-pleasing rock bottom and you’re thankful for mama Brené. I’ve gobbled up two Brené Brown books in a week, and I don’t plan to stop because I’m learning a lot, and I don’t think this growth would be happening were it not for some very fine lessons she’s teaching me. But I do think that at some point even the sensitives get vulnerabilitied out, I’m just not there yet.
I’ve allowed the dialogue of ‘who do you think you are?’ to completely run me. And that’s not a great place to be for a person who moved to Nashville to be a singer. It’s the entire reason I only made it as far as I did in the music business. It’s fine now, but I do wish I could talk to 10 years ago me and tell her to spend time discovering who you are instead of who you can be for others. I spent over a decade just falling completely in love with every guy who told me I was pretty instead of properly creating.
‘Who do you think you are?’ is what has kept me from pursuing whatever this is. All of the self-doubt, all of the ways I tried to control people’s perception of me, and all of the fear around saying the wrong things during a very painful time in the world kept me from creating a single thing. And that’s just not going to be my life anymore.
In these books, I learned about the real meaning of courage, and it’s changing the way I look at what I do with this life. Courage is this word that we associate with heroes in capes, y’know, that kind of thing. But the real meaning of the word courage comes from the Latin word ‘Cor’ which means heart. Courage means to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart and it turns out, my interpretation of that is ‘start a blog’.
This comes directly from The Gifts Of Imperfection, do I need to do a full on bibliography high school English assignment style in here? Please don’t make me do that, all credit to BB Queen.
This is my little act of courage. In my head, I’ve pictured all of you collectively saying ‘who needs this? Who would spend their time doing this? Wow, how self involved can you possibly be?’ and what I have done to combat that in my head is to try to answer these questions for myself.
Who needs this?
I don’t think anybody does, really. But my objective here is to share where I’ve been and how I got to where I am-a place of brand new exploration on actual self acceptance. I’ve gone through some hard things and I plan to use those experiences to help someone struggling, too. I think that’s mainly young parents, creatives on the verge of making a jump into the scary unknown, or anyone who just enjoys watching a story unfold. I’m at the very beginning here and it’s exciting, I think, to be a part of something that encourages us to be a healthier us.
Who would spend their time doing this?
Me. I would.
How self involved can you possibly be?
Well, a good bit.
Y’know, we’re the only ones that get to dwell in these weird ass brains of ours. The closest people in our lives, those who know us the best, STILL have never been in there. Maybe they’re good at predicting patterns, but it’s just you in there all alone left to your own devices and I’ve gone in all the directions while left to mine. I’m experiencing it all alone in my brain, but beautiful things are happening in my little home with my family. The atmosphere is different with the mom who is trying harder to get ok. So maybe there’s one person who can get something out of this. At the very least, knowing you’re not alone in the hard times is a real pot of gold.
Well, here it is, my first little blog, and I can’t handle that word it sounds like vomitmatopaeia.
If you’re going to stick around, you’ll have to get used to my made up words. They’re a complete defense mechanism, but they’re fun.